Why I Walk
In my mind as I walk, I’m going over the events which led me here.
October 25, 2005, I checked into Maplegrove hoping I could finally escape the squirrel-cage of alcoholism I was trapped in and somehow get my life back. Everything was out of control. Dad had several strokes; mom was diagnosed with lung cancer and advanced dementia; the business venture with my brother flopped; I was embroiled in legal disputes; I was divorced, again; the bottom fell out of the real estate market and I took a shellacking on the sale of my home; all of this and a dozen other mishaps occurred within the span of a year.
Maplegrove helped me. I stopped drinking and was finally able to face reality. Then, exactly one year into recovery, on “devil’s-night 2006,” fire destroyed the large commercial building I owned. I couldn’t afford the insurance premium, so all my remaining possessions went up in smoke. The other foot had come down hard. Now, I was morally broken and penniless. They don’t write Hollywood scripts this bizarre. There was something going on beyond my understanding. Even I could not orchestrate or devise such a synchronistic symphony of demise. Only a few years ago, I was the CEO of a thriving multi-million dollar printing company. Now, I was struggling desperately to stay sober as the caregiver of two frail and aging parents.
It seemed as though I had lost everything. That is, everything except my sobriety. It was all I had left. So, I held onto it with all my might. I immersed myself in all that “recovery” offered and taught. I needed answers to the “whys” of my life and I got them – one at a time. First, I accepted the fact that there was a Power beyond my control affecting my destiny. There were no doubts in my mind about that anymore. Recognizing this, I needed a basic understanding of this Force. Apparently, if you oppose or ignore it, then it has no bearing on your life and you are left up to your own devices. I saw where that got me – no thanks! But, if you cooperate with this Power, better yet, if you collaborated with it, great things become possible. Even a life in shambles can be restored. Restoration through recovery is a gift so great and uncontainable that it demands of those who possess it to share liberally and lovingly. That is why I walk.
In a world that has existed for eons; on a tiny planet among billions; spinning on its axis and traveling around the Sun at over 20,000 miles per hour, we were born at this particular time in history to a particular family with a set of particular circumstances, friends and acquaintances. Is it all an accident? Or, do we come in and out of each other’s lives by design – for a reason. I choose to believe the latter.
I have come to where my life has prompted me. I have walked nearly 3,000 miles over the last year in preparation for this event. This walk symbolizes what sobriety means to me and millions of other recovering alcoholics. Step by step, we “trudge the road to happy destiny”, “not regretting the past, nor closing the door on it.” (Quotations taken from the Big Book and the Promises of AA)
Posted by mseyrig on 08/06/2008 at 5:22 AMAdd Comment
Comment posted by Anonymous on 08/06/2008 at 2:33 PM I live in Rose City seen your story in the paper. I think it's great what you are doing. I checked myself into rehab and just got out July 14. I'm doing good. You are an awesome inspiration. Hope to see you here. God Bless and be Safe.
Comment posted by Anonymous on 08/06/2008 at 9:59 AM Great story of restoration and recovery, very cool.
