Becoming a parent means adding to your family. Paradoxically, though, parenting can sometimes make you feel lonelier.
Focusing on your child’s needs can make it hard to find time to stay connected with old friends and acquaintances. Add in sleepless nights and new-parent fatigue, and it’s easy to see why you don’t have the energy to plan a get-together with friends.
But social support is so important for parents, says Mollie Blanchard-Brown, M.D., a pediatrician at Henry Ford Health. That’s true whether you’re diapering a newborn or dealing with the ups and downs of parenting school-age children and teens.
“There used to be a lot more collaboration in parenting. Today, it’s common to live farther from family members, so our ‘villages’ are often smaller,” Dr. Blanchard-Brown says. “Creating a parent support network can give parents a sense of camaraderie, with people going through the same things you’re going through.”
Here’s why parent networks are so valuable, and how to create one.
Benefits of Social Support for Parents
Befriending other parents can lead to plenty of practical support. Mom friends and dad pals can watch your kids while you run errands, help carpool to school or provide recommendations for a trusted daycare. Just as important, though, is the emotional support a parent network can provide.
Your parent support network can help you adjust to stressful transitions, like the sleepless nights of having a newborn or the mixed emotions you might feel when you return to work after parental leave.
Parent friends are just as valuable as your kids get older, offering an understanding ear as you figure out how to relate to a sullen teen or prepare to become an empty nester when your child leaves for college.
Need A Pediatrician?
And for parents of children with special needs or medical diagnoses, such as autism or congenital heart defects, it’s so valuable to connect with other parents walking in your shoes. “When people are going through the same things you’re going through, it can be a great outlet for sharing advice and resources, and for releasing stress,” Dr. Blanchard-Brown says. “These are people who understand you.”
Parent Support Networks Help Kids, Too
When parents have strong adult friendships, their kids benefit, too. Research shows that parents who feel more social support report that their children have fewer mental health and behavioral problems. That’s likely because when parents feel supported, they experience better health and well-being, and can be more effective parents.
“Having a support network is good for your mental health, which is good for your children,” Dr. Blanchard-Brown says. “Plus, when kids see their parents modeling positive relationships, it helps them learn how to cultivate healthy friendships of their own.”
What’s more, parenting friends can often fill an honorary “aunt” or “uncle” role in a child’s life. That means your kids will have more trusted adults to turn to if they need support or advice as they grow up.
How to Make Mom and Dad Friends
If you don’t have a ready-made parent support group, don’t beat yourself up. Meeting new people doesn’t always come easily, especially if you tend to be introverted. But if you’d like to expand your circle, these strategies can help.
- Join a group: Look for parenting groups, like our new “Starting Strong” parent group at Henry Ford. If you’re not local, check with the hospital where your baby was born or look on social media for community group listings.
- Get out of the house: To meet other parents, go where the kids are. Sign your little one up for swim lessons or tumbling classes, and chat with other moms and dads. Hit the park and introduce yourself to other parents. “Library story times are also a great place to meet other families. They’re free and offered in many communities,” Dr. Blanchard-Brown points out.
- Schedule playdates: Asking a parent you just met for their number can feel like asking someone out on a first date. It’s all too easy to chicken out. It might feel easier to suggest getting the kids together instead. Propose a playdate or a meetup at the park, in a setting where you can get to know the other parent while your children play.
- Go digital: It’s always nice to form in-person connections, but virtual friendships can be valuable, too. Online parenting groups and message boards can offer advice and connection. This can be especially helpful if you have a unique situation, such as being a single parent or the parent of a child with a complex medical diagnosis.
- Be patient: There is no deadline for making new connections, and new friendships often form organically over time. Put yourself out there at a level that feels comfortable for you. Be yourself and see what happens. It can be tricky to make friends as a grown-up, whether you’re a parent or not. Yet putting yourself out there is worth the effort. “Parenting can be stressful. Having support networks can really help take some of the edge off,” Dr. Blanchard-Brown says.
Reviewed by Mollie Blanchard-Brown, M.D., a pediatrician at Henry Ford Health who practices at Henry Ford Medical Center — Bloomfield Township.
