Whether your teen is going to a local community college or across the country for school, college represents a huge change. The experience stirs up mixed emotions in even the most well-adjusted young adult. Chances are your child feels excited, happy, scared and sad—all at the same time.
They may be leaving home for the first time without any ground rules or parents to bail them out when they’re tired, hungry or need clean clothing. At the same time, they’re thrust into a new environment with different types of people and ways of thinking. And while such changes are exciting, they can also be challenging.
“For many kids, college is their first opportunity to make all the decisions,” says Mauran Sivananthan, D.O., a child psychiatrist at Henry Ford Health. “It’s a fun time, but it’s also stressful.” So it’s critical that teens know how to best take care of themselves to weather new and increased pressures.
To mentally prepare your teen—and yourself—for the transition to higher ed, Dr. Sivananthan offers these eight off-to-college strategies:
1. Start prepping them for college early.
Don’t wait until the week before first semester to mentally prepare your teen for college. Use the time that’s left to encourage your child to begin making decisions with minimal parental supervision. “Encourage them to speak with others who have recently started college to gain insights on decisions they will have to make once they start,” says Dr. Sivananthan. “There might be things they have not considered yet, such as where to shop for groceries, how to access mental health services, and finding clubs and organizations they may be interested in.”
2. Establish healthy sleep habits.
From sleeping well and eating healthily to getting enough exercise, kids need guidance to develop a daily routine that will help them stay on top of their game. Sleep is critical for memory and performance, so encourage your child to get the recommended eight to nine hours of sleep each night and have them power down devices an hour before bedtime.
“If your child regularly struggles to get up in the morning, consider having them start classes later for the first semester,” says Dr. Sivananthan. “When the first class starts at 10 am, attendance and therefore success is more likely than with an 8 am class. College presents more social opportunities than incoming freshman are aware of. This can make for later nights, so a later start to their class schedule could be helpful.”
3. Give your child mini-lessons in selecting nutrient-rich foods.
Think: fruits and vegetables, lean meats and peanut butter. Have them limit unhealthy options (such as chips, soda and candy). Having the proper sustenance will give them the energy and brain power to get through classes, studying and extracurricular activities.
4. Open a dialogue.
Have frequent, ongoing conversations with your child about recognizing and avoiding risky situations. Discuss topics like making smart choices about alcohol and avoiding drugs and other substances. Even overuse of caffeine can put kids at risk, particularly when combined with alcohol.
Talk to your child about sex including what consent entails and be honest about what can happen on college campuses. Be sure to ask your child how they feel about these situations and try to come up with problem-solving strategies in advance.
Pediatric Behavioral Health
5. Teach basic independence skills.
Before your teen sets foot in a dorm, they should know how to do laundry, cook a few basic meals and clean up after themselves. Time-management skills are also critical as they begin to juggle these basic responsibilities on top of a more challenging workload. Learning these skills in the months (and even years) before college will go a long way toward easing the transition to independence.
“The minimal structure in college could pose a bigger struggle for some kids,” says Dr. Sivananthan. “In addition to time management skills, consider reviewing other skills that are important for success such as planning, organizing and prioritizing tasks. Often times parents and teachers help kids with this while in high school. Transitioning to college will shift this skillset onto them.”
6. Drop in.
If the campus is close, make plans to take your child to dinner. The goal: Focus on relationship building, not interrogating them about what they are (or are not) doing. Some teens hide information from parents because they don’t want them worrying, so if your child does share something that upsets you, try to be supportive and help them strategize ways to handle tough situations.
“Develop a relationship where your kids will continue to come to you for advice when they don’t have to,” says Dr. Sivananthan.
7. Build a support system.
Kids need a strong support network, especially during times of transition. Encourage your teen to maintain high school friendships while seeking out new friends in college.
Suggest your teen seek out a club or organization to join. Many campuses have fairs or open houses where new students can get information on groups that interest them. If you have friends or family who live near your child’s college, make introductions long before school starts.
8. Get involved.
Go to orientation, participate in parent programs and visit the student health center so you know what resources are available to your student—even if you don’t think your child will need them. That way, if your teen becomes stressed or needs behavioral health support, you’ll be prepared to help.
The transition to college may be more difficult than you or your child expect. The key, says Dr. Sivananthan, is listening as well as talking to your kids, and paying attention to what they’re not saying. Then if you see warning signs of substance use, anxiety, depression, self-harm or suicide, you can direct your child to the appropriate resources.
Reviewed by Mauran Sivananthan, D.O., a child psychiatrist who sees patients at Henry Ford Medical Center - Ford Road.
